Allaaaaiii, let's be positive, fam!

So here are some good things that've gone down this term:

1) My year 7 footy team reached the cup final.
2) I became a form tutor, which I love doing.
3) I can plan my lesson much faster.
4) I've got better at working out why my lessons suck when they suck.
5) I've completed 2/3 of my first year of teaching !!!!!
6) I've realised that I'm good at talking to children and teenagers.
7) I've made some more friends among the other staff.

I'm sure there are other positives, but these spring to mind like a spring chicken on a springboard.

Yep, looking back on them, they're pretty much in some sort of 'order of priorities'.

Being a linguist, I've also made sure to acquire as much new language as possible. Here are a few words and phrases which I've learned over the last few months:

wasteman (noun) - generic derogatory term, non-gender specific although mostly used to insult boys. Roughly equivalent to what I used to call a chief in primary school. Year 7s think it's the worst insult ever invented and get really offended. All the other year-groups seem to use it willy-nilly. E.g.: "Abdi is a wasteman"; "You're such a wasteman, give me my Red Bull back."

allaaaaiii (verb, imperative) - a corruption of 'allow', meaning 'let it be' or 'permit me'. Also frequently used to express outrage or disbelief. E.g. "I want to sit there!"/"Allaaaaiii, I sat their first!"

Man (noun) - can replace any singular pronoun, be it first person, second person or third. Often used to replace a first or second person, thereby talking about oneself or one's interlocutor in the third person. E.g. "Man got ber homework today - a whole worksheet!"/"Shush! Man [i.e. 'you'] tinks he got ber homework! Ha! Man [i.e. 'me, on the other hand'] got ber courseworks to do! Dem courseworks are worse than the homeworks, bluuuuud!"

hype (verb) - to talk, to get excited, to chatter excitedly, to mouth off at someone. E.g. "He got a merit for French and he was ber hypin' at us but then Sir realised he made a mistake and took the merit away and he had to jam his hype, yagetmeh blud."

ber (adjective/adverb) - expression of quantity meaning 'lots of ', 'much', 'many'. Also used for emphasis. E.g. "Allaaaaiiii, I've got ber friends on Facebook!"/"Nah, mate, I've got ber more friends than you." or "Sir is ber safe!" or "Man got ber sim-cards and dem ber cheap - £5!"

fam (noun) - friends, family, 'mate'. E.g. "Nah listen, fam, I want beans with my chips, but no fish."

There are far more slang words too but these that I've included are a few from off the top of my head. Many of the words are Caribbean in origin, but all the children use them irrespective of race or background. I'd really like to do a big send up of it all - maybe a staff revue or something of that nature where the teachers have the opportunity to make fun of the students. They are so easy to caricature and immitate and this is in no small way due to their language and the way they choose to express themselves.

It makes for excellent comedy material (as Vicky Pollard and Lauren have shown us all already) when a social group has such a distinctive linguistic trait!

Cussin'.

So many of my lessons are disrupted by pupils insulting each other. Playing "cussing" games. They go something like this one from one of my Year 9 classes:

A: You're fat.
H: Your mum's fat.
A: Say that to my face.
H: Your mum's fat.
A: Shut up, at least I've gotta mum. And she's not a whore.
Me: If you both don't stop now you're in detention.
A: But she called my mum fat!
H: But he called my mum a whore!
A: No I didn't, she's a liar, Sir!
H: You're a wasteman. Siiiiir, can you send him out?
A: Allaaai...jam your hype, bluuud!
ad infinitum...

In the mean time the whole class is distracted: some by the cussing match, some by cussing matches of their own, yet others (and these I feel guilty about because I let them down) have actually finished the work that I've set and, seeing me tied up with the slanging match elsewhere in the classroom, start doodling in their exercise books, chatting or reading something irrelevant like a magazine.

What's the solution to this? It seems that keeping the kids busy is a key element of any lesson that I want to go peacefully and without incident. But there's more to it: they have to have their heads down. You see, the Senior Management Team in their Infinite Wisdom saw it Fit and Proper to build a school with desks that could not be moved from their position in the floor. My desks are screwed into a horseshoe shape around the room which has two major drawbacks. Firstly, every child is in everyone else's line of vision. Secondly, two thirds of the class are not facing the board. There are other disadvantages; I cannot make group work easier, for instance, by grouping tables and chairs together. So if the children are keeping their heads down - working with materials on their desks as opposed to looking up to the board for guidance all the time - they will be less likely to catch sight of each other and start cussin'.

Cup Final Defeat.

Unfortunately the Year 7s lost in the Cup Final today. Shame. Some of them had never had so many people turn up to watch them play football before - including all the heads of year, the Principal, their parents, the parents of the opposition and their classmates.

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Do any other teachers feel like they ever get worse!? I was discussing this with One Vowel the other day - he feels the same. I tried to justify this feeling by suggesting that it's merely our standards which have risen, but ultimately I'm conscious of not being as effective now as I felt I was earlier in the year.

I think long-term planning is the key: to give one a feeling of being in control. It's probably even worth showing the kids the long term plan so that they feel its relevance to each lesson....

Hmm...anyway, 4 days until the Easter break.

Here's your French lesson for today: