Friday, 5 March 2010


Equipment for Science Exam

1) One can of Coke. ("I need a buzz for my exam!")
2) One can of Red Bull. ("I need energy for my brain!")
3) One Boost chocolate bar. ("I need breakfast!")
4) One pencil [blunt]. ("Do you reckon I need a pencil, Sir? I don't have a pen so this'll do, right?")
5) One scientific calculator ("Heh heh, I'm so dumb, I should have brought this to my Maths exam but I forgot. Do you reckon I'll need it in the Science one?")


  • Ensure that any preparations are left until the last minute.
  • Chase around the school asking every teacher for a pen. Make sure you do this in groups of 5 or 6 as this will definitely [not] increase your chances of finding one.
  • Bunk registration in the morning due to "stress".
  • Start your revision on the morning of the examination.
  • Have a break from revision to buy fizzy drinks.
  • Act surprised and angry when told [or, reminded!] that the examination is in the morning and not the afternoon.
  • Do not faint in the exam.
  • Refuse to do any other work that day due to "stress".
  • Ask when the re-sit dates are and diarize them.

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