Thought for the day (or why not to Google 'assemblies')

As told to me by a teacher who was at the assembly:

Head of Year: So, Year 7, how do you spell the word "can't"?

Student 1: (hand raised) C-A-N-T?

HoY: No. Anyone else?

Student 2: C-A-N-apostrophe-T?

HoY: (sanctimoniously shaking her head) No.

Student 3: C-O-N-T?

HoY: No.

The rest of the teachers wince expecting the surely inevitable spelling of the rudest word.

Student 4: C-E-N-T?!

Phew! Surely the HoY can now step in and bring this Russian Roulette of Spelling to a close?

HoY: No. Anyone else?

Oh shit.

Student 5: C-I-N-T?!

At least it's Year 7. Year 10 would have spelled the c-word by now. Fortunately we are saved from embarrassment as the HoY decides to finally bring the guessing game to a suitably trite and corny end.

HoY: No, children. "Can't" is spelled T-R-Y.

PE Moment of Zen

As soon as you start teaching you realise that you should have trained to be a PE teacher all along. Minimal marking, you can wear trainers and you have a whistle to help you keep the kids in check.

Today we played 5-a-side indoor football against the students as an end of term Fun Thing To Do. PE Teacher Andy turns up in ridiculous clothing.

Me: Why are you wearing a vest?
Andy: It's like the Italians.
Me: Huh?
Andy: You know, the Italians. The men always wear a vest. About the house, like.
Me: Why are you wearing it now? You look ridiculous.
Andy: It's a macho thing. Like the Italians. I always wear a vest when I'm at home. A vest, shorts and slippers. Unless it's cold, like. Then I'll wear tracky bottoms.