What a revelation!

"Sir, we don't have a lesson next week 'cos it's Eid."
"But you celebrated Eid just over a month ago."
"Yeah, but there's two."
"What does this one celebrate?"
"It celebrates the revolution of the Koran."

Malapropisms

Year 9 French

Me: Do you need a dictionary to complete your homework? You can borrow a school one if you need.

TM: Skeen, Sir, no need, yeah? I've got a massive dictionary at home - my mum bought it. It's a theosaurus as well.

Me: A theosaurus? Like a new type of dinosaur? scoff scoff.

TM: Unnnergh, Sir. Don't you know? A THEEE-OH-SAURUS is like a massive dictionary!

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Learning Conversation with Form

Me: So you're taking the Textiles GCSE in the end?

AJ: Yeah, Miss is offering it after schools. We're gonna do it on Tuesdays.

Me: Brilliant. Make sure you attend all the sessions.

AJ: Obviously, Sir!

Me: (ever the nagging pedant) And you'll have less time for it than for your other GCSEs so you need to really put in the effort.

AJ: I know!

Me: (harping on) You should always go on time because Miss is putting it on in her own spare time, as I hope you realise!

AJ: Sir! Stop talking to me like I'm innocent!

Me: Innocent?

AJ: You know, like as if I don't know anything!

Me: Ignorant?